Jesus Is Coming (To Town)

When I was a filthy little boy in Oklahoma I used to wonder if Santa Claus and Jesus shared the same list. Then what if their standards were different, you know? What if something Santa felt was coal-worthy was something that Jesus would consider eternal-fiery-torture worthy? Maybe that's why Santa gives you get coal if you're naughty. He's just giving you something to eat when you're burning for all eternity in hell.